Read this if you don’t trust easily

I Will Never Forget
What Trust Felt Like.​
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I wanted this to be different.

I wanted a real relationship with high values of care and trust for each other than any relationship I had before; something beyond what anyone would expect, a place that would feel safe enough to share the real-real of your dreams, your struggles, and who you want to become.

A place you can call home.

It was a place for me to be like me, or the version of myself the world hadn’t met yet and I wasn't confident enough to let others see, to share the secrets of my teenage crush that I hadn’t shared with anyone else, about smoking hidden behind her glossy black coat and wagging tail, or simply enjoying the twosomeness without knowing what would come next.

I will never forget what trust felt like. I felt held in ways I didn’t know I needed, and wouldn’t fully appreciate until the day our paths separated.

Distrust rippled after.

To this day, I am unpacking the many references I hold about trust that are incomplete and that do not reflect the objective reality of what a pure, unconditional trusting heart is.

Trust is often associated with an experience and something external.

When my heart felt touched by Holly, she was not just a black Flat-Coated Retriever; she was also my companion in my teenage years. I experienced the joy, reliability, and safety of our friendship—that was trust for me.

That’s when I knew it; this must be trust. I connected, experienced, and stored this feeling.

This experience is important because it starts to teach us to become aware of the quality that is already part of our nature, that is intrinsic to our heart.

Experiencing is important; otherwise it’ll become difficult to fully trust this information.

But the problem that normally happens is that this experience will not stay for a long time.

For us, in order to feel this experience again, we need to start to create a condition, and that first condition is:

Search for trust externally.

We start to go outward, and we start to believe that we can only experience trust by receiving a certain supply of external conditions to activate it, to feel it.

Now here comes another problem, condition-wise:

When we receive something from the external and if we receive this something constantly, we end up becoming numb to that experience. The feeling fades.

Everyone knows this sensation when we first fall in love with someone. This first romantic love feels so good in the heart. Blissful, just wow! But after some time, that honeymoon period ends, and things change. The first change will be that we'll start to lose the intensity of this feeling as time goes by.

Sensory adaptation happens, and it will fade the sensations.

This is a law of Jingshen (the totality of consciousness, spiritual heart, and True Self).

Sensory adaptation is an automatic, involuntary process in our consciousness that reduces the sensitivity to an external stimulus after constant exposure to it.

If the stimulus remains constant, the neural receptor cells decrease, and the sensation fades from conscious awareness. The consciousness that works through the patterns categorizes and interprets information, and they also need to free up the neural pathways to detect changes in the environment.

This mechanism is critical for survival.

When we started this search, our first experience of trust got conditioned by a certain external element. If something feels pleasant, we want more, of course. We want to reach that experience of trust again.

Why shouldn’t we want something that is pleasant, feels good and is good for us to repeat again, right?

But due to this law of sensory adaptation, we get numbed to a constant stimulation and that 'feeling' we want to keep will never last forever.

This is where we can start to create all sorts of reactions, and we can do all sorts of things to get those feelings back—to feel it one more time.

One thing we could be doing is seeking more and more new beginnings. There is a very special energy of the new beginnings when we connect with something for the very first time ⚡⚡⚡⚡

When you once experienced and felt such wonderful trust with someone and then those external reasons changed, the feelings change, and things can really feel bad afterward. We can feel a lot of sorrow and pain instead.

When we go down that road of conditioned trust, we are meant to suffer, and distrust will grow. In this process of searching for those conditions to trust again, first we distrust, then we try to create conditions to trust again.

Here is what needs to be understood, because this is crucial for the spiritual heart.

A pure trusting heart cannot be hurt. The heart is not a feeling; it is a state. It is a presence.

It is not trust itself that creates the pain or the sorrow. It is the process of not having complete information that layers distrust over the heart—and THIS is extremely painful.

Another thing.

When the state of trust gets conditioned to something that is external it means it will never last forever. When things change, the conditioned trust will also change. Because it is depending on something that does not belong to us, something that we cannot control.

You cannot control the law of sensory adaptation, or the law of change, or the external.

We have learned to not trust easily. We trust distrust. Distrust doesn’t easily trust something unknown to our known reference system.

😵‍💫

Mirjam

Mirjam Blank​
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